Brit Awards Bingo Card

What to look out for when hate-watching the Brits

Was it last year that ITV first moved the Brit Awards to a Saturday night? The year before? Not before then, I don’t think, although it could have been. No one knows for sure, just as no one can pinpoint when they started to hate the Brits, but it’s seemed for a long time that everyone does.

“It’s not controversial enough anymore!” decry most, citing one specific moment of tepid anarchy as the Brits at its most dangerous: when Jarvis Cocker waved his arse at Michael Jackson whilst Jackson performed ‘Earth Song’ in 1996. Feels kind of hysterical now, like all those stories of early rock’n’roll being considered so satanic that Elvis’ hips were only accessed through pay-per-view, but as we shall never be allowed to forget, the 1990s were a happier, better, innocent time: Jarvis’ arse was not wafting in a world of Nazi salutes at presidential inaugurations. Still, it says a lot about what we think of the Brits today that “it’s not controversial enough anymore!” goes on to make examples of…